Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
