I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize