yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
