I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
