Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i dont even know how to be here
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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