dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
