Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I understand Curling. That high.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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