dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
