whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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