Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
