I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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