I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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