I wish I only lived at night.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
