How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
