I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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