I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
