he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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