If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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