so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
