I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Duck Duck Cougar?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
