He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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