Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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