mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
