Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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