I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
