My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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