I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
