I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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