so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My life is pants optional.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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