you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
