girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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