i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
