you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
