whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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