is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
