you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
