Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
