We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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