drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
