i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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