**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
