just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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