i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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