yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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