I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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