I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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