if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you would pick up someone in the library
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
