Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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