Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I can't put those talents on a resume
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize