hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
