I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
