saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
