Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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