i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
no you cant smoke seaweed
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
