i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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