I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
