Moan for me like Helen Keller
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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