I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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