Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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