Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
