at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I cut my penus on the lid.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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