how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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