"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
