I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
