Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
