Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
