This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
